To My Beloved Royalty...

Here's a question for those readers who've undergone some sort of transition from one gendered understanding to another, either in the eyes of others or in their own eyes:

Did you at first cling to the stereotypes associated with your "new" gendered state? Did you go out of your way to go against them? Or something else?

Speak Out

Comments:

Ravenbird
*Guest*

Guest post by "Ravenbird"
The question of the stereotypes interests me also.
Both because of some friends as well as for myself (I think I'm not classically Trans but somewhere between the sexes, and these stereotypes confuse me every now and then because I have no real relation to them, or i go just the easy and a bit cowardly way to just use the stereotypes of my

apparent male gender even if think its annoying to behafe like a man just becourse the sociaty wandt me to do, but most the way thats ok for me)

Submitted February 12, 2015 at 4:13PM

Ravenbird
*Guest*

Guest post by "Ravenbird"
(Sorry for the double post)

I would like to say:
The current episode is so adorable in their expressiveness

Sarah could win a beauty contest but i have never seen her so uncertain about herself.
I hope Sarah will come to a point when she can finally take off the princes crown and do not longer fear to become Seth again when she dose not dress up in pink.

Submitted February 12, 2015 at 4:19PM

KabitTarah
*Guest*

Guest post by "KabitTarah"
I transitioned to FT about 8 months ago at 35 y.o. My transition was pretty quick. I am very feminine in expression, but not in dress. I wear mostly women's clothes and I love a skirt, but pants are more practical.

I think, for an adult, the more over-the-top you go, the less seriously you're taken.

Submitted February 12, 2015 at 5:16PM

TeaJay
*Guest*

Guest post by "TeaJay"
When I first started transitioning I did a bunch of stereotypically baggy and shapeless masculine clothing--the more I've worked on my own identity, the more I realize that I like pretty clothing, regardless of what gender I am.

Submitted February 12, 2015 at 9:36PM

RainDreamer
*Guest*

Guest post by "RainDreamer"
Well, I have always find that it is very silly to assign gender characteristic for things that simply shouldn't have them, like colours, or even scent. Probably due to my marketing background and realizing that differentiate things on genders means you can target more specific markets and attract them more. I have always like sweet candy-like scent like vanilla or strawberry even before my transition, despite them not being "masculine" ("masculine" products have scent that either burns my nostrils or choke me with how strong they are. Ugh.)

Personally about the stereotypes though, I don't really force myself to be something I am not (have done it for way too long before I accept myself as who I am), I just want to be myself, part of me are stereotypical feminine, like really emotional and cries easily, but others part are not, like being reallly messy. Makes me wonder how much nature vs nurture is at play. Doesn't help that my mom seems to be really into turning me to a paragon of femininity now (great that she accepts me, however.)

Submitted February 13, 2015 at 12:13AM

RachelN

Sarah, sweetie, the answer to your question is an emphatic "yes!" You're more feminine now than you ever were. And I wouldn't mind having a dress like that. Wink

Submitted February 13, 2015 at 1:04AM

Rachel P
*Guest*

Guest post by "Rachel P"
Is she feminine? Of course she is - its something she can do naturally. She just needs to ignore the colour, and see that she's wearing a very feminine style dress. ThumbsUp

Submitted February 13, 2015 at 2:41AM

Aron
*Guest*

Guest post by "Aron"
In my current living situation, I feel like I have to avoid overtly "girly" things because I never know when they'll get thrown back in my face as "proof" that "you really ARE a girl, stop being so silly and pretending you're not." Once I've moved away from family and properly transitioned and don't have to fight so hard to "prove" who I am I doubt I'll worry quite as much about it - I'm not all that masculine, but I know cisgender guys whose tastes are much more stereotypically "girly" than mine. Razz

Submitted February 13, 2015 at 3:14AM

Miss Kara
*Guest*

Guest post by "Miss Kara"
I had a submissive that you would never know was MTF from looking at her, given how little she dressed 'like a girl.' Hoodies, jeans, a beanie, and a mop of curly blond hair. My adorable little FPS gamer girl LOL I worry about her, though I try not to. No matter who you are, if you're going to break gender stereotypes you can always expect some backlash.

Submitted February 13, 2015 at 7:48AM

Rachel Ann
*Guest*

Guest post by "Rachel Ann"
When I started transition - my gosh, 17 years ago! - yeah, I went All Pink, All The Time for a brief period. Not because blue was for boys but rather because pink WAS for girls and NOT for boys. Face it, HRT is a full-blown second puberty and you can act pretty childish when those hormones are getting all mixed up.

Once the HRT settled down - I only had one hot flash; but it lasted five years - I settled down as well. I've always seen myself as a girl and always a girl from Arizona. The cowgirl lives in me! So blue jeans and blouse. Okay... okay... I still like the quiet frills and a splash of pink. (Orange has always been my favorite color, though.)

Submitted February 13, 2015 at 10:25AM

Tyler
*Guest*

Guest post by "Tyler"
at the beginning of my transition, I wasn't so focused on stereotypes as I was desperately trying to convey to the world that I was not a girl. I never wore basket ball shorts or made sexist jokes or liked cars. But then, my mother tried to squash the transness out of me and I was an adult before I even got to buy underwear I actually liked (briefs > all other kinds of undies, in terms of comfort). I did however suppress my love of pretty things, to try to get her to take me seriously and stop saying I was just confused which made me very sad. I'm still a while away from a medical transition, but at least I'm not ashamed to wear skirts now and then anymore. I have days where my dysphoria is too much to even consider wearing something that would make people mistake me for a woman, but not every day.

Submitted February 13, 2015 at 1:12PM

Pinkbatmax

Wow! So many great story! It behooves me to explain my own.

For me, early in transition, I struggled as many transwomen do with coming up with how to speak in the language of fashion and to say what I wanted it to mean. I tried skirts, dresses, but didn't know how to pair them appropriately either with other garments or with the proper occasion. So, I drifted to more comfortable, more androgynous dress.

Ten years on, I became more comfortable, and realized that I didn't want to have crossed the gender divide just to wear a tee shirt so, with more awareness, I started wearing more feminine dress, and do to this day.

Now, pink's just not the right color for me. I do better with blues, greens, violets. But pink represents a reclaiming. Something I sacrificed as a child and distanced myself from, a feminine color representing feminine things I loved but that I came to realize would 'give me away'. So, if anything comes in pink (other than clothes), I'll buy it in pink. Because I've travelled so long and so far, that I can hold it before me as an accomplishment.

Great stories, everyone!

Submitted February 13, 2015 at 7:36PM

Jenale
*Guest*

Guest post by "Jenale"
Haven't actually transitioned myself, for lack of resources, and a few other problems... But the prejudices/stereotypes have actually been a problem for me. I know I feel I should be female, that part of me is not really under question... but I've never been into "girly" things. Prefer jeans to dresses, video games to dolls (usually violent ones...), and I'm still mostly attracted to females. Its caused me to question my own orientation on many occasions.

Submitted February 14, 2015 at 2:06AM

RachelN

When I transitioned some sixteen and a half years ago, at first I did the "makeup and dresses every day" thing, but for a mercifully brief time. I stopped worrying about makeup when I discovered I was getting "sirred" with it on, and "ma'am-ed" with it off, so I toned down my look considerably. Besides, it was a pain to put makeup on every time I went out. Though I still do the "dresses all the time" (or most of the time) thing during the summer, if only for the sake of comfort.

Submitted February 14, 2015 at 2:25AM

Kenira
*Guest*

Guest post by "Kenira"
I am MTF / genderqueerish and a bit fluid and started transitioning socially 2 years ago. Initially i totally went for the stereotypes and wore super feminine clothes and used makeup, but i was also very new to the whole fashion thing (black tees and black jeans are all you ever need if you're into metal) so i was not only drawing more attention than i wanted, but it also wasn't looking that good and i realized i am not super feminine anyway. Pretty soon i dialed it back.

Now i'm mostly back to black band shirts, but i also have some (colourful) tops i wear when i'm feeling very feminine, but really the only differences to before are that i wear a stuffed bra and some ear rings my mum gave me that i really like. It sucks that many people misgender me (still pre-HRT and pre-epilating) in the clothes i feel comfortable in most of the time, but i learned to not care as much what other people think, and HRT will start in the next week or two weeks so that may change soon anyway.

Submitted February 14, 2015 at 1:28PM

Hollis
*Guest*

Guest post by "Hollis"
I mean, I'm sort of a walking stereotype of a nonbinary person being white, pretty thin, AFAB, and having short hair and overall masculine of center presentation. I've definitely done a bit of "oh my god am I a stereotype because I'm just absorbing what's around me or is this actually how I'm most comfortable?"

And well, it's mostly that this is what's more comfortable for me. I've acknowledged that part of my choices are because I'm putting in extra effort to be seen as "not-woman" because I'd rather get gendered as a dude in most situations, so sometimes I do shy a little bit away from feminine things (presentation-wise, at least. I'm not downplaying my knitting or cooking or my love of doing laundry ever). And also, dysphoria plays a role (and a larger one than I'd like). I'm hoping that once I can get top surgery, skirts will be less dysphoria-inducing to wear, which would be cool because I look super cute in skirts.

Submitted February 14, 2015 at 3:26PM

Pinkbatmax

Quote from Hollis:

Now I feel old, on account of.... I didn't know there WAS a stereotype for a non-binary person!

What would an example be? And does wearing mustaches and skirts have anything to do with it? 'Cause Irma's curious!

Submitted February 15, 2015 at 1:24AM

ink
*Guest*

Guest post by "ink"
I'm not sure if 'stereotype' is the best word. The best way I can think of to explain it is this: You know how every time queer people get representation, it's a white middle-class male couple? When nonbinary people are represented anywhere (which is very rare, but it happens occasionally), the person shown is usually white, AFAB, fairly thin, and presents more masculine than feminine.

Like Hollis, I've worried about whether my presentation is because that's what feels comfortable or because I've absorbed the stereotypes around me. I think that my presentation has become less masculine in the last couple of years - when I first came out as nonbinary, I presented as masculine as I possible could. It's helped that due to a combination of clothing and working out (it's amazing what wide shoulders can do for your presentation if you walk right) I get gendered as male about a third of the time - that makes me feel a lot better about how I present.

Submitted February 15, 2015 at 2:25AM

Pinkbatmax

Quote from ink:

Hmm..... that's interesting. The NB people I've met seem to be people who enjoy a blend. I don't think of necessarily masculine, but I do thing of adopting some of the traits and garments associated with the sex not assigned, but not exclusively. But, well. I'm not a "people person" because, anxiety, so I don't really have much by way of discussions.

Submitted February 15, 2015 at 4:42PM

Marissa
*Guest*

Guest post by "Marissa"
When I was 15 I aggressively distanced myself from anything pink, without ever really knowing why I'd do such a thing; didn't make any sense even then. It was two years later that I first met another trans person and heard that I could be something other than an intelligent boy. I was a full-on goth at that point though, and goths around here are almost entirely indifferent to gender. Wear whatever, do whatever, as long as you make it look good.

Submitted February 16, 2015 at 7:27PM

Wordy
*Guest*

Guest post by "Wordy"
I'm pretty early on in my transition (which will primarily be social) and as an amab nonbinary person I've kinda just been exploring stuff that I never really got to try when I was younger (I'm 20 now), which has so far been: necklaces (nothing fancy just a number of ones with gemstones hung on string, a hylian shield from legend of zelda on a faux-leather cord, and a keyblade on a chain which I got to indulge my inner child), skirts and tights (I have just one black skirt and one black pair of tights which a friend holds onto for me for safety), bows (I've gained quite the collection of bows, over 20, and they're something of a signature accessory for me now), nail polish, and less than 10 days ago I tried lip gloss for the first time.

I'm mostly trying this stuff so I can learn what I like and what looks cute on me but it has put me in a bit of danger potentially, like one time I got harassed while painting my nails at university. My current ideal look (well one of them, I have a few that I want to be able to achieve) that is theoretically possible involves wearing all of the things I listed at the same time with a large hooded jacket. I've done this maybe once or twice so far. I never actually get read as anything other than male (some people would say this means I don't "pass" but I don't like the idea that I'm trying to "pass" as the gender I actually am) so it's not easy or safe often to wear what I want but it's worth it because I look adorable.

Also this is my first time commenting on this comic so I would like to say thank you so much for making this it's absolutely lovely.

Submitted May 2, 2015 at 4:23AM

*Guest*

Guest post by "Anonymous"
D'aww, she looks kind of like a tiny version of me in my blue dress. She is adoribus!

Submitted April 16, 2017 at 6:32PM

*Guest*

Guest post by "Anonymous"
Funny thing, actually: I'm transmasculine (afab) but also gender-nonconforming. I think of myself as a feminine man. As a kid, before I knew being trans was a thing that existed, I went through that "i hate pink!" phase that many afab people unfortunately experience. However, nowadays, I adore pink & can't stand blue half the time (because it reminds me of a very unpleasant corporation that happens to have an affinity for the color blue).

Submitted May 29, 2018 at 3:59PM

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